How To Bring a Dog into a Hotel

1. Have the dog arrive with someone else at 1:30am. This way, there is guaranteed to be drunken guests in the lobby taking the attention of the front desk people. If there are no drunken guests, hire someone to pretend to be drunk, or at least dumb.

2. Put your dog into a bag. If he tries to jump out near the front desk and a drunken guest sees him and almost blows your cover, justpush the dog back into the bag and give the evil eye to the drunken guest.

3. Do your research: where is the nearest emergency exit? This will be your dog's potty. Use at least 2 people when sneaking to the potty. Distract maids, security people, and drunken guests with one person.

4. To exit the hotel via the front desk, insert dog back into bag. If he barks while near the desk, make a funny face and bark again yourself, so the employees will think you are inasane. Extra benefit: if the dog barks while in the hotel room, the security guy will think it's you playing your bizarre night games.

5. Lie if someone sees the dog. You're not a guest, you'll only be inside for 5 minutes, you're babysitting the dog, you're disriminating against my son for being "different." Anything. Lie lie lie.